I tripped and broke my elbow late September. For weeks, I found myself too nervous to walk much at all while my arm was healing. Everywhere I looked I saw trip and slip hazards. Water on the pavement, leaves, plastic bags, frozen puddles, un-even concrete — treacherous enemies laying in wait to pull me down. Night walking was the worst of all, feeling every uneven bump on dark roads, projecting myself into one nightmare scenario after the other. I would literally feel my breath shorten and my fists clench as though I were actually experiencing what was only in my mind.
How grateful I am to be walking again every day, on the mend, and daily less afraid. It is truly a gift to my well-being to be out in the sunshine and breathing cool fresh clean air surrounded by the beauty of nature. Trees! Sky! Water Hello again!
Another gift the season has given me is my knitting! I’ve dragged all of my colorful yarns (wool, silk, linen, mohair, and various blends) and pattern books from the attic and begun sorting the yarns into color families, going through patterns and ear-marking what looks like fun this season. I KNOW I have plenty of yarn, and yet find myself drooling over the incredible colors Purl Soho is putting out now – a gorgeous deep orange-red called Flame (?) has caught my eye and I may have to indulge myself in a little more shopping … well, ’tis the season! Tomorrow a few friends will come by and we will gather around the table to each start a new project, be it a balaclava, a scarf, a tunic, or something else. Working with fiber – with friends – now THAT’s healing!
This time of year I can get lost in a rabbit-hole of sad and ruminative thoughts. So I actively seek out antidotes to the seasonal depression I experience. One thing I try to do is lower the bar and “follow the energy”. Let’s say I decide to write letters to everyone back home and have a scheme to make hand-made collages for everyone, but then the thought of that is so overwhelming I don’t write a single card and start avoiding my studio. “Lowering the bar” was a life-saver to me in this regard, as I decided to use what I had (cards I’d purchased and stamps I already had) to send out a few thank you notes, as well as uploading a few birthday greetings to TouchNote and sending out birthday greetings digitally (they actually do print and mail the letter for you!).
“Follow the energy” this week means no painting at all, but rather letting the spirit of the season guide me. This week, that looks taking a morning to try a new recipe (I baked the Violet Cookbook lemon drizzle cake this week!) , working on mending an old beloved sweater (those damn moths!) and picking up the phone for a chat with a friend. And as the week progresses, I realize once again that painting energy is cyclical for me, and its good to give that part of my brain a vacation now and again while other things (cooking, baking, home-making, sewing, knitting, long walks, time with friends) get activated. Once I realized this I stopped beating myself for letting myself down.
And now – its time to go try a new cookie recipe for the knitters coming over tomorrow.
Enjoy your life! Its a beautiful thing.